Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Caves and Christianists

You know, the Christianists are nowhere near as pervasive as they would have us believe.

For decades now, the Ivory Madonna and her friends have been touring caves and caverns. It's just a thing we do. We just recently got back from Mammoth Caves National Park, and we've been to caves all over this fine nation. In particular, we've visited just about every cave complex in the Shenandoah Valley, VA -- the heart of God's Country. [Just as a footnote, we no longer go to Virginia, due to the hateful anti-gay laws.]

Now, all cave tours include the obligatory information about how the caves formed: water seeping through stone, dissolving minerals, acting over millions of years to carve out huge open spaces and deposit beautiful formations.

In all this time, never -- not once -- have we heard anyone in the audience object that the Bible says the world is only 6,000 years old. Not once have we heard a Christianist (or any other brand of religious nut) say anything to challenge the guide's scientific explanation of the natural wonders about us.

Several explanations spring to mind. Perhaps Christianists just don't go on cave tours. That's hardly likely, though...why would they give up a chance to witness the glory of their god's creation? (Or are they all afraid to leave their homes and go traveling?)

Perhaps there are plenty of Christianists on these tours, but they are all so ashamed of their ridiculous beliefs that they keep quiet in mixed company. That's a comforting thought...but they certainly aren't shy about spouting their nonsense on the national airwaves.

Or perhaps there are so few Christianists in the general population that one is unlikely to run into any, even in a lifetime of tour groups. The Ivory Madonna likes this explanation the best.

In any case, it appears that the Christianists are neither numerous enough nor brave enough to contradict a harmless tour why do the rest of us take them so seriously?


The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Monday, September 17, 2007


Apparently, "pedophilia sex offenders cannot be cured and their behavior cannot be controlled."

Apparently, "The homosexual activist movement and organized pedophiles are linked together by a common goal: To gain access to children for seduction into homosexuality."

Apparently, "there's just no reliable evidence to claim that Homosexuality is anything but a choice" and can be cured.

It's like a tidy little illogic problem:

1. Pedophiles are born that way and can't be cured.
2. Gays are pedophiles.
3. Therefore, gays are born that way and can't be cured.
4. Except gays aren't born that way and can be cured.
5. Gays are pedophiles.
6. Therefore, pedophiles aren't born that way and can be cured.
7. Except pedophiles are born that way and can't be cured....

At about this point in any good Star Trek episode, the android's head explodes.


The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

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Monday, September 10, 2007

Full Moon

It has long been believed that the full moon has an influence on human behavior.

The Ivory Madonna is firmly convinced, and not all the statistics in the world will change her mind. A lifetime of observation has left no doubt in her mind.

For a period of two weeks before and after each full moon, human beings behave like stark, raving lunatics.


The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

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