Let the People Decide

Some unelected judges have abused their power and decided to create a "constitutional right" for a privileged minority group that does not deserve it. On a matter this important, the people should be allowed to decide...the government should not impose its will upon people.

This is a DEMOCRACY, damn it, and that means we take a vote on important issues, and the majority rules. Neither activist judges nor corrupt politicians should have the final say; only the PEOPLE have to power to decide huge issues like this.

If this ruling is allowed to stand, it is only the opening wedge that will take us down a slippery slope. All sorts of "rights" will be granted to all kinds of fringe groups. And soon, our entire society will be doomed.

It's not like anyone is born that way...these people make a deliberate choice to engage in their lifestyle, no matter what the harm to society.

Write your legislators! Demand that the people be given a vote!! Don't let the activist judges and corrupt politicians get away with this expansion of so-called "rights."

Mormons are not a true religion. They have no "right" to receive the special tax breaks and freedom from discrimination laws that REAL religions enjoy. They can't be allowed to hide behind the First Amendment.

I urge everyone to take to the streets and demand that we be given the opportunity to vote on this!

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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You and MRE Against the World

Yesterday the Ivory Madonna had a vision: a simple vision with the power to change the way the rest of the world views the United States. Here it is:

Suppose that anyone, in any country in the world, could walk up to the American Embassy and get a free meal.

It needn't be a great meal: just enough to keep body and soul together. The Ivory Madonna's friend George Meade immediately thought of military MREs, which are a good model.

What are the benefits of this notion? Well, as a means of foreign aid, it's hard to beat. First, it would genuinely help the poor and the hungry of the world. Second, any money that's spent in the target countries would directly contribute to their economies, rather than winding up in the Swiss bank accounts of greedy politicians. Third, it would undoubtedly lead to more jobs for U.S. citizens as support staff, either at home or abroad. Finally, it would generate good will for the United States, and be a great counter to some of the bad will and even hatred that's out there.

Wouldn't this cost U.S. taxpayers a ton of money? Well, how much do spend on waste and corruption in foreign aid now? How much do we spend dealing with the consequences of anti-U.S. feeling? How much do we (still) spend on every day's fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Wouldn't a plan like this be a logistical nightmare? What about crowds, shortages, rioting? What do we do when one villager walks 25 miles to the U.S. Embassy and then asks for meals to take home to all 17 people in her family? Good questions...but somehow, the Ivory Madonna is confident that they won't be much of a challenge to a nation that can reliably ship 37 different brands of sugared cereal containing Star Trek toys to every Wal-Mart and Target store in the country.

Can there possibly be enough food for everyone? Won't billions make their way to the U.S. Embassy to sponge off Uncle Sam? Remember, we're not offering filet mignon here...the meals we're giving away are enough to keep one from starvation. And they'll taste about as good as you would imagine mass-produced prepackaged meals would. We're talking refugee-camp rations here. Anyone who has another source of food will most likely not show up at our embassy gate.

What about the governments of other nations, particularly unfriendly ones? Will they resist having poor, tired, huddled masses surging into their capital cities to get free U.S. meals? Will they blockade their cities to keep the riffraff out? Maybe...but the Ivory Madonna would say that's their problem more than ours.

Isn't it immoral to just give people food? Isn't it socialist? Don't we want them to develop a work ethic? Ah, but you lost that argument the first time we started handing out free rice to relieve famine. The immorality of giving free food to starving people is surely much less than the immorality of letting them starve.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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A Christian Terrorist By Any Other Name

So this guy shot and killed a doctor in a Kansas Lutheran Church. And how do the media refer to the suspect? "Mas suspected of fatally shooting..." "Suspect." "Gunman."

Let's call a spade a spade. This man is a suspected Christian terrorist, a fanatic with ties to Christian terrorist groups.

Sheesh. If he were a Muslim, he'd be called a terrorist. But since he's Christian, he's simply a "gunman."

I'm just sayin'....

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Greed

The Ivory Madonna was just reading a blog where the author quoted the old saw about money being the root of all evil.

The interesting bit is the comments, where various people sprang to the defense of money. The quote is incomplete, says one: it should say "love of money is the root of all evil." Another points out that it's not money that's the problem, it's greed.

The good thing about "greed" being the problem, especially if you're rich, is this: "greed" only exists in the third person. "Greed" is something that one sees in other people. No one ever acknowledges being greedy themselves.

How very convenient. It's easy to be against a sin that is only practiced by other people. One need never change one's own behavior; one can luxuriate in pointing out the sin of others.

Incidentally, the same source that calls love of money the root of all evil, also says that it is much more likely that a camel pass through the eye of a needle, than that a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. If the Ivory Madonna believed in all that, and wanted to make sure she got into heaven, she would be frantically divesting herself of all that money, whether or not it's the root of evil.

(And yes, the Ivory Madonna knows all about the claim that "the eye of a needle" was a gate into Jerusalem, and camels had to get down on their knees to go through it...yeah, that's all nonsense. An example of how far rich Christians will go to justify their own hypocrisy.)

M

Incidentally

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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The Other 9/11

Oh dear. What is popular culture going to do in a little more than two years, when "9/11" can suddenly refer to September 2011 as well as September 11, 2001?

With any luck, various heads will asplode.

M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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The Ticking Time Bomb

Imagine this scenario:

We learn that terrorists have placed suitcase nuclear bombs in five U.S. cities. The bombs are set to go off at noon tomorrow.

Our stalwart intelligence agents have apprehended one of the terrorist masterminds. There's no time for namby-pamby, conventional interrogation: the only solution is enchanced interrogation methods. The more enhanced, the better. This is no time to worry about questions of morality, ethics, or law: tens of millions of lives are on the line.

So the torture begins. By ten p.m., our experts have wormed out some valuable leads from the terorrist mastermind: city names and locations. Hospitals in Manhattan, Washington DC, Los Angeles, Seattle, and Houston.

Law enforcement, the military, and civilians are mobilized to search every hospital in those five cities. It's a big job, but think of the lives that will be saved! Meantime, the torture continues, as experts try to get more details.

Around dawn, the experts have extracted another important bit of information: the terrorist plan was to hide bombs in the trunks of cars, either in parking garages or parking lots near the target hospitals. Under martial law, every car within half a mile of a hospital in those five cities is stripped.

As of 11:59 am, no bombs have been found. Investigators have increased the search radius to a full mile around each hospital.

At noon, the nuclear bombs go off, utterly destroying Des Moines, San Francisco, Atlanta, San Antonio, and Orlando. Later investigation determines that the bombs were in suitcases placed in storage lockers at YMCA buildings.

That's right. When the head terrorist was tortured, he lied.

What...you thought he was stupid enough to tell the truth?

How stupid are you?

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Fixing AIG

AIG management has shown contempt for the American people by accepting multi-million-dollar bonuses.

It's time to cut AIG off...immediately. Freeze any bailout money that's in the pipeline. No future taxpayer bailouts. If the company goes under, tough toenails. Trying to save AIG would obviously be throwing good money after bad.

But what about all the AIG employees who will suffer?

Simple. Give every low-level AIG employee one million dollars, tax-free. (Managers get nothing...they can live on their bonuses.) AIG has what, fifty thousand employees? A hundred thousand? That's $50 billion or $100 billion. Chump change, compared to what we've already poured down this rat hole.

Think of the message this would send to other companies receiving (or in search of) bailout funds: spend the money well, or you'll suffer the same fate.

What about tht guy in the back who says "The AIG bonuses aren't so big, they're only a tiny percentage of the bailout money, why is everyone getting so upset?"

True, the bonuses are a tiny percentage...but it's a highly meaningful percentage. Earth is only a tiny percentage of the Solar System, but it's important. Idodine is only a tiny percentage of the human body, but try to live without it. And a tiny percentage of carbon monoxide can kill.

Let's make these bonuses AIG's carbon monoxide.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Bipartisan

Both Democrats and Republicans are doing their very best to work on the problems that beset our nation in a bipartisan manner. It's just that the two parties have different definitions of the word bipartisan.

To Democrats, bipartisan means "both parties work together and compromise, each giving up something and each gaining something, until both can agree." To Democrats, compromise is a good thing (as in, "let's find a workable compromise.")

To Republicans, bipartisan means "we get what we want, and the other side either joins in or is outvoted." To Republicans, compromise is an evil thing (as in "we will not compromise our values.")

Pity the Republicans. For the last 8 years they've been very successful at bipartisanship (by their definition): They've gotten everything they want, and the Democrats have dutifully either joined them or been outvoted.

Now, suddenly, it doesn't seem to be working. The Democratic President keeps saying he wants bipartisan efforts, the Democrats keep saying they want to be bipartisan...but somehow, the Republicans aren't getting their way and the Democrats aren't joining them or being outvoted.

One can just imagine John Boehner's plaintive whine: "But we're trying to be bipartisan...why isn't it working?"

And in the background, one hears the distant echo of Mandy Patinkin saying, "I do not think that word means what you think it means..."

M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Global Strawmanning

Have you noticed that every serious, intelligent person refers to the phenomenon as "Climate Change"? Only the yahoos who deny reality (and the media, who are yahoos of a different type) still call it "Global Warming."

"Global Warming" was a simplistic and misleading term to begin with, and one that should never have been used. Yes, the overall phenomenon involves an increase in average global temperature...but the important thing is that higher average temperature equals more energy in the system, which means more violent extremes. Regionally and seasonally, things will tend to get hotter, colder, wetter, drier, windier...in short, more extreme.

It serves the purpose of the yahoos to keep using the term "Global Warming." Then, during the colder times, the more frigid winters, the greater blizzards, the deeper freezes, they can sneer, "Global warming, eh? Doesn't seem that warm to me." Setting up straw men and knocking them down is what passes for argument among the yahoos.

Of course, during the hotter summers, the longer droughts, the melting glaciers, the deeper floods, the stronger storms, and the unseasonably-warm winters, the yahoos don't say anything at all. Refusing to acknowledge facts also passes for argument among the yahoos.

When the Ivory Madonna hears someone use the term "global warming," she tsks and shakes her head. "Educated people call it 'climate change.' You obviously haven't kept up. Why should anyone pay attention to your opinion when you're still using terminology from the last century? Why don't you go off in the corner and pontificate on phlogiston theory and flint-knapping techniques?"

M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Fundamental Differences in Philiosophy

People keep talking about the fundamental differences in philosophy between Democrats and Republicans -- especially in connection with the stimulus bill. Republicans vote in solid blocks against the bill, because it violates their philosophy.

It's true, there are huge differences in philosophy between the parties. And the Ivory Madonna has evolved a truly marvelous way to handle this.

Let the Republicans and Democrats each select one person to represent their philosophical views. Then, give everyone in the country a chance to choose between the two individuals. Those who have no preference, or can't decide, don't have to make a choice.

Then we just need to go with whichever political philosophy gets the most votes.

...What? We already did that?

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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The Russian Problem

Apparently the Russians are eager to help out the United States in Afghanistan. At the same time, the Afghanistan government is threatening to make overtures to Russia.

The Ivory Madonna thinks this is a great idea that could very well lead to a solution to multiple problems.

The United States should go to Russia, hat in hand, and say, "Gee, Vladimir, could you help us out of this mess we've gotten ourselves into, and take over for us in Afghanistan?"

It's a win-win-win solution. Let us count the ways that the everyone wins:

1. The U.S. gets to pull most troops out of Afghanistan.

2. The Russians get to score major status points from the fact that the U.S. was forced to come asking for their help. Russia has a terrible inferiority complex; they're desperate for Older Brother America to recognize them. Hell, we could use the opportunity to make Russia a partner in NATO, which is what they've wanted since the Cold War ended.

3. Russia will be able to get away with occupying Afghanistan with an iron fist, which the U.S. could not. The U.S. and Russia could play "Good Cop, Bad Cop" on Afghanistan...and you bet there would be no quibbles about crossing the Pakistan border to take out Bin Laden.

4. Afghanistan gets a new occupier to hate. All the squabbling Afghan partisans will come together in glorious national unity to oppose the hated Russians.

All of this hinges on one condition: that the U.S. swallow its silly national pride and approach Russia with the deal.

Yeah, the Ivory Madonna doesn't see it happening, either.

M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Rescue Auto Workers, Not Auto Companies

The buzz is all about a rescue plan for the big three American auto companies. If they fail, the reasoning goes, lots of people will lose their jobs.

Let's assume that Congress passes (and the Buffoon-in-Chief signs) a bailout for the automakers. Forgive the Ivory Madonna for being cynical, but she doubts that any of that money would actually reach the workers whose jobs are in danger. Instead, the money would go to the managers, the stockholders, the CEOs.

Look at the most current proposals for a rescue: Allow the companies to enter structured bankruptcy so they can shut down unprofitable divisions, merge the Big Three into the Big Two or even the Big One, reduce the number of dealerships...like all that won't cause lots of people to lose their jobs. And this is the best-case scenario.

(But at least the CEOs and upper management would survive, and even profit. At least the stockholders would be left with smaller companies that would, in a few years, increase their stock prices and start paying substantial dividends again.

Feh! The Ivory Madonna says, let the auto companies die. Rescue the workers, not the companies.

How? Extend unemployment benefits to last the next few years, at least. Extend Medicare/Medicaid coverage to everyone on unemployment. If someone loses a job because of the demise of the auto industry, make sure they don't suffer from it. (And those out-of-work CEOs who will leave in their private jets with multimillion-dollar severance packages? Hell, let them collect unemployment as well. At minimum wage.)

M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Neil Armstrong

Seth Godin recently posted a typically thought-provoking essay about picking a company spokesperson. I agree with his point, but disagree with his example of a bad spokesperson: Neil Armstrong.

In part, Seth said:

Armstrong could have taught the world about science. He could have done work that would have won him a Nobel Peace Prize. He could have had a huge impact on his country and the world. Instead, he mostly disappeared.

I want to offer a different perspective about Neil Armstrong. Sure, his role as spokesperson was important, but it was overshadowed by two other roles he played.

First, he was a surrogate for (a) NASA and (b) the entire human race. As a surrogate for NASA, he stood for all the tens of thousands of people who were responsible for putting the first human on the Moon. As a surrogate for the entire human race, he stood for all of us ("one giant leap for mankind.") For a surrogate, you want Everyman...someone ordinary, almost colorless. (Long before Apollo, a science fiction writer published a story in which the first man on the moon was named Armstrong. Amazing prediction? Not at all...the author later explained that he had chosen the name to resonate with "Jack Armstrong, the all-American man" -- because he reasoned that the first guy to step on the Moon would be a generic "all-American man.")

The second of Neil Armstrong's roles was the guy who accomplished the Greatest Thing Ever. After you've been the first person in history to step on the Moon, ANYTHING else you do is an anticlimax. Anything else you do, you're "trading on your fame for a lesser cause," or "making a fool of yourself," or "engaging in a pathetic attempt to gain additional glory." Anything else you do trivializes the accomplishment of the Moon landing. Just imagine the attacks if Armstrong endorsed a liberal or conservative cause or agenda.

Remember, Armstrong is a surrogate for everyone on Earth. He shouldn't be taking sides. He belongs to history; as a name and a symbol, he'll last as long as the Human race does. You don't expect the Pyramids or the Great Wall of China to speak for particular causes; you expect them to sit silently and be admired by posterity. Armstrong's in the same league.

No, once you've been the first person in history to step on the Moon, the only gracious thing to do is drop out of the public eye, retire to your farm, and live out your ordinary life as an ordinary guy.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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By the Power Vested in Me...

If marriage is a sacred institution that comes from god...

...then why do religious officials marry people with the words "By the power vested in me by the State..."? Shouldn't it be "...vested in my by god?"

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Republicans on the Run

With the Democratic victory in Mississippi, the Republicans are on the run. The November election looks to be a rout, with the Democratic Party triumphing across the board.

Which means the Republicans are getting desperate. And we've all learned just how dangerous they can be when they're desperate. There is nothing that Cheney and company won't do to retain power...nothing.

Some people are worried that there will be another terrorist attack before November. Some are even worried that, in the wake of such an attack, Bush would suspend elections and try to hold onto the White House.

The Ivory Madonna didn't used to worry about such a scenario. In order to carry out such a coup, the White House would need the unquestioning support of the military...and Bush just doesn't have it.

Lately, though, friends have suggested a more sinister scenario that might have a chance to succeed. Try this on as a thought experiment: Before the election in November, the nation suffers a major terrorist attack. In the course of this attack, assassins kill both Bush and the Democratic nominee (presumably Mr. Obama). President Cheney declares martial law, cancels the election, and disappears into a Secure Undisclosed Location -- defended by fantatical Christian soldiers who believe they are fighting on the side of god.

But nah, that would require someone with influence in some radical foreign country like (say) Saudia Arabia, friends and supporters among the military and the radical Christian right, a total disregard for law and the Constitution, and contempt for the opinions of his countryfolk.

Oh.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Caves and Christianists

You know, the Christianists are nowhere near as pervasive as they would have us believe.

For decades now, the Ivory Madonna and her friends have been touring caves and caverns. It's just a thing we do. We just recently got back from Mammoth Caves National Park, and we've been to caves all over this fine nation. In particular, we've visited just about every cave complex in the Shenandoah Valley, VA -- the heart of God's Country. [Just as a footnote, we no longer go to Virginia, due to the hateful anti-gay laws.]

Now, all cave tours include the obligatory information about how the caves formed: water seeping through stone, dissolving minerals, acting over millions of years to carve out huge open spaces and deposit beautiful formations.

In all this time, never -- not once -- have we heard anyone in the audience object that the Bible says the world is only 6,000 years old. Not once have we heard a Christianist (or any other brand of religious nut) say anything to challenge the guide's scientific explanation of the natural wonders about us.

Several explanations spring to mind. Perhaps Christianists just don't go on cave tours. That's hardly likely, though...why would they give up a chance to witness the glory of their god's creation? (Or are they all afraid to leave their homes and go traveling?)

Perhaps there are plenty of Christianists on these tours, but they are all so ashamed of their ridiculous beliefs that they keep quiet in mixed company. That's a comforting thought...but they certainly aren't shy about spouting their nonsense on the national airwaves.

Or perhaps there are so few Christianists in the general population that one is unlikely to run into any, even in a lifetime of tour groups. The Ivory Madonna likes this explanation the best.

In any case, it appears that the Christianists are neither numerous enough nor brave enough to contradict a harmless tour guide...so why do the rest of us take them so seriously?

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.
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Apparently...

Apparently, "pedophilia sex offenders cannot be cured and their behavior cannot be controlled."

Apparently, "The homosexual activist movement and organized pedophiles are linked together by a common goal: To gain access to children for seduction into homosexuality."

Apparently, "there's just no reliable evidence to claim that Homosexuality is anything but a choice" and can be cured.

It's like a tidy little illogic problem:

1. Pedophiles are born that way and can't be cured.
2. Gays are pedophiles.
3. Therefore, gays are born that way and can't be cured.
4. Except gays aren't born that way and can be cured.
5. Gays are pedophiles.
6. Therefore, pedophiles aren't born that way and can be cured.
7. Except pedophiles are born that way and can't be cured....

At about this point in any good Star Trek episode, the android's head explodes.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

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Full Moon

It has long been believed that the full moon has an influence on human behavior.

The Ivory Madonna is firmly convinced, and not all the statistics in the world will change her mind. A lifetime of observation has left no doubt in her mind.

For a period of two weeks before and after each full moon, human beings behave like stark, raving lunatics.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

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All-Purpose Religious News Story

The following is offered as a time-saver for harried reporters. Just fill in the appropriate blanks.

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A melee broke out last week in [city], after a group of fundamentalist [name of religion] young people set a fire outside a celebrated [artwork] that portrays [religious figure] as [attribute].

The [work]’s content has led to threats against the work and its creator. In the latest, a group of young people torched [person, place, or thing]. [Officials] intervened and as many as [number] people joined the fight, according to news reports.

[Name of work] toured [place] widely after it premiered in [city] in [year]. At times, [name of artist] was given police protection from the resulting threats. [Portion of work] was damaged/destroyed in [year] by a protester wielding [weapon].

[Religious leader] has denounced [artist] and [work] and called for [punishment]. All across [portion of world], protests have sprung up calling for [punishment] for [artist] and [dire fate] for [work], leaving [number] dead and/or injured.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

People Aren't Rational

It's something the Ivory Madonna constatntly has to remind herself...people aren't rational.

Take religious believers (please!) We keep wanting them to make sense. We say things like, "According to your own beliefs, if you are against abortion then you should also be agaisnt the death penalty" or "Your own scriptures tell you that all unbelievers should be put to death, how can you believe that?"

It doesn't work that way. Religious belief isn't consistent and doesn't make sense. Religious believers don't study their scripture and beliefs in order to decide their opinions -- they form their opinions first, then cherry-pick among their scriptures and beliefs to justify those opinions. Anything in the scripture or the beliefs that contradicts their opinions...they just ignore. Or rationalize away.

Take free market forces. We keep wanting to assume that people will make rational decisions in the free market...and that over time, the decisions people make will lead to a better life for all.

It doesn't work that way. Unleaded gasoline is a great example. A few decades ago, lead poisoning was epidemic among children, largely due to lead in gasoline. Unleaded gasoline was safer, but more expensive. But is was clear that we would all be better off if we moved to unleaded gasoline.

Did consumers make the rational decision, and buy unleaded gas even though it cost more? Did market forces drive leaded gasoline away?

You know it didn't happen that way. Government regulation forced leaded gasoline off the market. If we'd relied on market forces to do the job, leaded gas would still be everywhere, and we'd be into the second or third generation of brain-damaged adults. (Hmmm...has anyone investigated lead exposure and the Bush family?)

Yes, individual people can behave rationally and make rational decisions, and should be encouraged to do so. But it's not our default state -- and we should stop assuming it is.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.