This Country Was Founded On...

Conservatives and Christianists are always telling us that "This country (i.e. the USA) was founded on Judeo-Christian principles and based on the authority of the Bible."

False.

Very false. In fact, the USA was founded on rationalism and the humanist ideals of the Enlightenment, based on the writings of Locke, Rousseau, and that whole crowd.

Doesn't that sound familiar from sixth-grade Civics class? (If not, then you probably went to a religious school or were home-schooled. Or possibly you went to school in Kansas, and were also taught that the world was created in six days, that the Earth is flat, and that George W. Bush is a good President.)

Many of the early European settlers fled to North America to escape religious persecution in their own countries. (Some fled to North America so that they could set up their own persecution of other religions.) See, that sounds pretty familiar, too, doesn't it?

The Founders were quite aware of the dangers of an official state religion, and of unfettered power for religion in general. They deliberately established a nation without an official religion, a nation where the state is forbidden to "make any law respecting an establishment of religion." (If that doesn't sound familiar, stop reading now...you are probably already in serious trouble with the theocrats who run your government.)

The Christianists and Conservatives keep telling the lie that this country was founded on religious beliefs. And because they repeat it so often, everyone starts believing the lie.

The only way to combat a lie is to tell the truth, to tell it repeatedly and positively. So please do the Ivory Madonna a favor. The next time you hear someone spouting that "Judeo-Christian nation" claptrap, or talking about passing laws based on the Ten Commandments or the Bible or the Apocrypha, please say what the Ivory Madonna says:

"This country was founded on rationalism and the humanist ideals of the Enlightenment, and it saddens me to see this creeping religionism that turns its back on those ideals."

If enough of us tell the truth often enough, maybe the lie will fade away....

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

God and the Boy Scouts

The Boy Scouts are reeling from a set of tragedies recently. First, four adult scoutmasters were electrocuted at the Boy Scout Jamboree; then dozens of Scouts were overcome by stifling heat at the same event; now comes word that an adult troop leader and a teenage Scout were struck by lightning and killed in Calfornia.

All of these deaths and injuries are terrible, and the Ivory Madonna sends her sympathy to the families and friends of the unfortunate victims.

These tragedies have a deeper dimension, however. Electrocution, stifling heat, lightning strikes...these are the traditional symbols of divine displeasure. All that's missing is the stench of brimstone and the odd pillar of salt.

If the Ivory Madonna were a religious believer (she isn't, so she wouldn't be allowed to join the Boy Scouts even if she were a boy), she would argue that these tragedies are evidence of an angry God showing His displeasure at an organization that uses His name to discriminate against girls, gays, and atheists.

How odd that our self-proclaimed religious leaders have not made this point. They are quick enough to see the will and word of God in other tragedies -- for example, seeing the 9/11 attacks as evidence of God's displeasure with feminists, gays, and abortion. Why are they silent on the deeper meanings of these Boy Scout tragedies?

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Iraq Mess

Bush's speech last night was remarkable...for the kid-gloves reaction that it's getting from the oppoition and the domestic press.

The Democrats are falling all over themselves to approve of Bush's "tough determination"; the only thing they can fault is his constant repetition of the falsehood that there's a link between Iraq and 9/11. The domestic press, much the same.

Here's what nobody's saying:

1. The man who has led this entire two-year disaster, who got us into this mess in the first place and who has made it worse with every decision, got up in front of the country and said, "In order to get us out of this mess, we're going to keep doing exactly what we've been doing so far." He offered absolutely nothing new.

We don't know for sure what will work in Iraq...but we sure know what doesn't work. And Bush says we're going to do more of it. Our failed policies and practices will continue.

And no one called him on it!

2. Every moment the U.S. stays in Iraq, the situation gets worse. We are an occupying force, and the people of Iraq hate being occupied. (You might feel much the same if the U.S. Army moved into your house to "protect you.") The longer we're there, the more resentment we produce...not just in Iraq, but across the entire Arab world.

The Democrats and the domestic press agree with Bush, "Of course the U.S. can't withdraw from Iraq, we need to stay there for many, many years."

Pardon my Slobbovian, but that's a load of crap. The US has zero credibility on the world stage. Statements like this just reinforce the notion that we're there for the oil, and we're never going to leave.

The United States needs to turn Iraq over to a bona-fide international peacekeeping force as soon as possible -- preferably yesterday. Ideally, this international force would be largely Arab, almost entirely Muslim. Bush needs to go to the United Nations, hat in hand, and make abject apologies..."We know we made a mess of this, we know that you told us so, and we know that our presence there is only making things worse. I'm sorry that I called the U.N. 'irrelevant'; boy, have I learned that I was wrong. We want you to take over. Here's a hundred billion dollars to help. And by the way, I'm withdrawing Bolton's nomination effective immediately."

The United States cannot succeed in Iraq as long as we are in Iraq. A true international force is the only thing that can get us out of this mess.

3. Bush said -- and the Democrats & domestic press swallowed it whole -- that it will take years to train native Iraqi forces.

Let's see. The United States Army can take a high school dropout from one of our spectacularly failing public schools (to coin a phrase, a child who's been left behind), and in six weeks they can turn that child into a soldier (in fact, according to Bush's ultra-patriotic rhetoric, into the best soldier in the world). Yet that same Army will take years to turn an educated Iraqi into an inferior copy of the same soldier.

Huh?

Does no one notice the lapse in logic here?

Does no one notice how insulting this is to the Iraqi people?


One last thing. On NPR yesterday, they were asking people in the street what they would have liked to have heard from Bush. Nobody asked the Ivory Madonna, but she's going to answer anyway.

What the Ivory Madonna would have liked to hear Bush say: "I resign."

Just the Ivory Madonna's thoughts....

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Sowing the Wind . . .

You've heard the story by now: Interrogators at Guantanamo Bay "in an attempt to rattle suspects, flushed a Qur'an down a toilet..."

Flushed...a copy of the Koran...down a toilet.

No wonder the Muslim world hates us. The Ivory Madonna is not so crazy about us, right now. In fact, she is simultaneously livid, sick to her stomach, and deeply ashamed to be an American.

This act is offensive far, far beyond burning a flag or an effigy of a country's leader. This is a profound act of disrespect toward the most holy symbol of Islam. It spits in the eyes of the billion-plus Muslims across the globe.

It's hard to find any act that a Muslim could do that would be as offensive to Americans. Even if a Muslim would, for example, flush a copy of the Bible down the toilet -- and what Muslim could force himself to do that? -- it still wouldn't have the same level of offense.

When you look in the Hitchhiker's Guide under "How to earn the undying hatred of every Muslim in the world," you see a picture of someone flushing the Koran down a toilet.

Could the United States have performed any other single act that would be more of an offense? The Ivory Madonna and her friends have been wracking their brains, and they have come up with only one way to make it worse: the interrogators could have wiped themselves with the pages before flushing. And the horror is, (a) we don't know that they didn't, and (b) it doesn't matter...the symbolic effect is the same.

How would our ever-so-patriotic Republicans react if officials of another country -- Muslim or not? -- had flushed an American flag down the toilet? Damn right: they would now be demanding action. You can almost hear the echoes of "bomb them into the Stone Age."

Multiply that outrage by a factor of ten, and you will begin to understand how Muslims -- even moderate, secular Muslims -- feel about us. Right now, there are more than a billion people who want to bomb us into the Stone Age...or further.

One wishes to be charitable, to say that the interrogators did not fully appreciate what they were doing -- but it's hard to believe that. This can only have been an intentional act, a deliberate insult. It was beyond stupid...it was the mean-spirited act of unlettered, uncultured, uncouth barbarians.

Because of this act, America will have trouble. And we will deserve everything we get. We have deliberately invited the hatred of the entire Muslim world. In the name of national security and public safety, we have invited retribution that will make 9/11 look like a children's birthday party.

Next time around, when we reap the whirlwind, remember . . . we sowed the wind.


-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Separated at Birth?: Senate Republicans & Two-Year-Olds

Well, the Senate Republicans appear poised to change the Senate's rules to eliminate filibusters on judicial nominees.

Never mind that well over 95% of Bush's judicial nominees have been approved. Never mind that the filibuster is the only way for Democrats to effectively oppose nominees who are too extreme for their tastes. Never mind that the Republicans will certainly live to regret this change, when the shoe is on the other foot (as it inevitably is).

Never mind that there used to be a little thing in politics called "compromise" -- your side gives a little, our side gives a little, nobody gets everything they want, but everybody gets something.

Never mind that the country is split down the middle, that Republicans have a bare majority rather than an overwhelming mandate.

Never mind, even, that some of the "activist judges" against whom the Republicans rail the most, were nominated and approved by Republicans.

No, the only thing that counts is that the Republicans have not gotten everything they want. For them, "almost everything" is not enough. "Purt near everything" is not enough. "Everything except one little thing" is not enough. No, they must get everything they want, and they are willing to change (or break) any rules, laws, or principles that prevent them from getting everything.

We are left with one question.

Why don't they just threaten to hold their breath until they turn blue?

(Oh, that's right, in Red State/Blue State America, "blue" is anathema to Republicans.)

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Untrue Believers

The Christianists and Conservatives are in an uproar because Terry Schiavo's feeding tube has been removed after a long and arduous legal battle. Unhappy with the rule of law, these people want the tube reinserted, so that this empty, meaningless life can be preserved (at great emotional and financial expense to all concerned).

Why has this case stirred up such fanaticism among the Christianists and Conservatives, when poor people continue to die all over this country due to reduced government benefits? Because the Christianists have linked this case to the abortion issue, insisting that any spark of life with human DNA, no matter how insensate, is "sacred." They insist that God wants Terry Schiavo to live. Their faith tells them so.

Excuse me, but what sort of "faith" is this?

God is omnipotent (by definition).

If God wants Terry Schiavo to live, then she will live.

Period, end of sentence. Feeding tube or no. Hospitals or no. Courts, Congress, and Presidency or no. If God wants Terry Schiavo to live, she will live.

How presumptuous...I daresay, how blasphemous...to say, "God wants Terry Schiavo to live, but He doesn't have the power to keep her alive Himself -- He needs us to help Him by reinserting the feeding tube."

What sort of namby-pamby, powerless God is that?

This question generalizes to those other two favorite issues of the Christianists and Conservatives: abortion and capital punishment.

Make no mistake: If God wants a criminal to die, that criminal will die. God doesn't need any help from electric chairs, lethal injections, the courts, or the political process.

God was pretty pissed with Father Geoghan, who perverted his office by molesting all those innocent children. The State sent Geoghan to prison for life...but Geoghan died. Apparently, God wanted this one dead. Similarly, God must have wanted Jeffrey Dahmer dead...Dahmer died.

And abortion?

We're talking about God omnipotent. If God wants a fetus to live, that fetus will live. According to the faith that the Christianists profess to believe, no human doctor is more powerful than God.

True believers? Ha! The Christianists are untrue believers. They profess to know God's will, but they tell us that God is powerless to enforce His own will. They tell us that God needs their help. That they, the Believers, are in fact more powerful than God.

The Ivory Madonna knows one thing: According to anybody's version of the Ten Commandments, God hates murder -- but God hates blasphemy a whole lot more. And even a cursory reading of the Old Testament will tell you the kind of tortures that God has in store for individuals and peoples who choose to elevate themselves above Him. And if they are not punished in this world, one can only imagine the eternal torment that awaits them in the next.

If the Ivory Madonna were one of these Untrue Believers, she would be quaking in her (very fashionable) boots.

Kinda makes her glad that she doesn't buy into the whole God thing at all.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Decline Begins

Well, that's it for Western Civilization. Thanks to gay marriage, it's all over now.

At least, that's the message in this article from the Boston Globe. Columnist Jeff Jacoby just about wrenches his arm out of its socket patting himself on the back for his successful prediction of the incalculable damage that gay marriage would do to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

His points are unassailable. Here are some examples of the dire consequences that are now coming about because of the legalization of gay marriage:

1. "Massachusetts rolled out a new marriage license shorn of any reference to bride and groom. Couples getting married were now to be officially identified as 'Party A' and 'Party B.' The department of public health has proposed a similar rewrite of the state's birth certificate, replacing 'mother' and 'father' with 'Parent A' and 'Parent B.'"

HORRORS!! Language on official certificates is being changed to correspond with reality!

2. "Last month, lawmakers in Ontario enacted Bill 171, stripping the statute books of all references to gender in connection with marriage. No longer do Ontario's laws use words and phrases like 'husband,' 'wife,' 'widow,' 'widower,' or 'persons of the opposite sex.' And it is not just family and marriage laws that have been de-sexed. Bill 171 eliminates the traditional language of matrimony from more than 70 provincial statutes, including the Gasoline Tax Act and the Public Libraries Act."

Oh, Jeff, say it isn't so! You mean, same-sex couples in Ontario can no longer be referred to as "persons of the opposite sex"? Where will it end?

3. When Jada Pinkett Smith recently gave a speech at Harvard, she made comments that made members of Harvard's Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, and Supporters Alliance "feel uncomfortable." In retaliation, the group (are you ready for this?) "demanded -- and received -- an apology."

No, no, NO! A speaker actually apologized for some of her remarks?

That's it. Jeff Jacoby has opened our eyes to this festering danger in our midst. How could we have been so blind? The Christianists and conservatives were right all along!

Don't you see? If gay marriage continues to spread, language on other forms may be changed. Your very own state might stop using the terms "husband" and "wife" on marriage certificates!

And worst of all -- and the Ivory Madonna can barely type these horrible words, much less contemplate a world in which they become true -- other celebrities might (gasp) apologize for remarks.


Sheesh!

We were promised the end of Western Civilization. We were promised fire and brimstone, the wrath of God, eternal damnation. Special effects to make Cecil B. DeMille jealous.

Instead, after nearly a year of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, almost two years in Cananda, and nearly five years of Civil Unions in Vermont -- the worst they can offer is altered language on official documents?

What sort of milquetoast God do they believe in, whose infinite wrath can only conjure up administrative corrections to the language of official forms?

The moral of this story? Don't believe the Christianists and conservatives when they predict all sorts of dire consequences. They made the same predictions about interracial marriage, women's rights, and eating shellfish. They were wrong then, they are wrong now, and the wonder is that anyone still pays any attention at all to what they say.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Last Refuge of Bigotry

This article from WQAD in Iowa talks about the progress of a proposal to amend that state's constitution to ban gay marriage. As so often, this article contains a familiar sentence:

"Iowa already has a law banning gay marriage, but supporters say the constitutional amendment is needed in case the courts strike down the law."

A similar sentence is repeated over and over, in each state that has amended or is considering amending its constitution to prohibit gay marriage. We need to amend the constitution in case the courts strike down the current law.

Sometimes the Ivory Madonna feels as if she's the only one to see the real meaning behind this statement: "We know that our current anti-gay-marriage law is unfair and discriminatory, and that any impartial observer would see that at once. We know that the only 'reason' behind our current law is biogtry, pure and simple. We acknowledge that this law based on nothing more than our own irrational prejudices cannot withstand legal scrutiny.

"Therefore, there is only way to preserve our bigotry, to continue this unfair discrimination: to make bigotry and discrimination part of the state constitution, to elevate it to a level above impartiality."

In short, these bigots are turning to their state constitutions as the last refuge of bigotry. And they have a backup plan, the ultimate Last Refuge of the US Constitution.

Well, guess what? In the long run, state constitutions don't mean diddly. After Loving v. Virginia, plenty of state constitutions still had provisions against interracial marriage -- but they became moot, unenforceable. There are plenty of other examples of state constitutions being trumped by Federal law.

The bigots seem to think that changing constitutions will turn bigotry into acceptance, unfairness into fairness, and make all gay couples somehow cease to exist. Guess what? There are committed gay couples in Iowa now, and if Iowa amends its constitution tomorrow, there will still be committed gay couples in Iowa. It's unfair to discriminate against them now, and it will still be unfair to discriminate against them when the constitution is amended. That's true in every state in which the biogts seek this Last Refuge.

And in twenty years (hell, in ten), all those amendments will be as quaint, laughable, and uneforceable as those in states that still have constitutional prohibitions against interracial marriage, tethering horses outside the county courthouse, or blasphemy.

Let the bigots have the Last Refuge. I'll settle for having the Last Laugh.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Pay No Attention To the $82 Billion Behind the Curtain

$82 billion more for a war that we started on the pretext of nonexistent weapons of mass destruction.

$82 billion that is not included in the "official" budget, which already admits a record deficit.

The Ivory Madonna just looked in her dictionary under "throwing good money after bad." There she found a picture of this $82 billion supplementary budget request.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Fixing Social Security

The Ivory Madonna has been doing a lot of reading on Social Security. And she's come to some conclusions, all of which seem compellingly obvious.

(Fair disclosure here: The Ivory Madonna is 46 years old. Last year she earned a gross salaray of just a hair under $50,000.)

#1: There is no crisis in Social Security. Sure, the system is going to run into problems, and probably within the Ivory Madonna's lifetime -- but there is no crisis that demands immediate attention.

#2: The looming problems with Social Security (as opposed to Medicare) are minor, and can be adequately addressed by two very simple changes:

(a) Eliminate the ceiling on earnings subject to payroll tax. Currently, payroll tax is applied only to the first $90,000 of earnings. That limit should be abolished. (If not abolished altogether, it should certainly be raised substantially.)

(b) Phase in means-testing for retirement benefits. Retirees with high incomes need fewer benefits than those with low incomes. Benefits should shrink (and eventually disappear) as income rises.

Some argue that both these changes will provide "dis-incentives" for people to earn higher salaries, thus destroying the economy. Yeah, right. You can see the reasoning. A person making $90,000 a year ($83,133 after payroll taxes) is going to say, "No, I don't think I'll go for that position paying $100,000...because with payroll taxes, it's only an increase of $9,237 instead of $10,000."

The real argument against both these changes, coming from the rich, is "we don't wanna pay more or receive less."

The Ivory Madonna's mother had the answer to that argument:

Times are tough. Life isn't fair. Get over it.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Social Security

So the Bushies want to reform Social Security. T'other day the Ivory Madonna heard one of them on the radio, saying something like:

People should be allowed to make their own choices in investing their retirement funds, and then take responsibility for the choices they make. If they make good investment choices, then they'll be much better off; and if they make bad choices, that will be their responsibility.

Excuse me, but we've tried that before. It was called The Great Depression.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Resolved...

The Ivory Madonna's New Year's Resolution for 2005:

This year, I will stop saying nasty things about people who aren't around...unless the things I say are terribly, terribly clever.

Previous resolutions:

2002: I will become a slob.
2003: Having become a slob, I will aspire to become a lazy slob.
2004: Having succeeded spectacularly in becoming a lazy slob, I resolve to become a fat, lazy slob.

-M

PS: See other blogger's resolutions at http://www.technorati.com/2005resolutions.html

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Not-So Golden Age

Conservatives and Christianists are always nattering on about the Golden Age of the 1950s. Everything was wonderful in the 1950s. WASP males ruled the world, with their exclusive privileges and perogatives enforced by law and custom. Drinking and smoking were universal. Nobody cussed (except the Good Ole Boys in their exclusive boardrooms). Sexuality was repressed...as, indeed, were virtually all other human emotions. Everybody went to (Christian) church, and collection plates were overflowing. To hear the Conservtives and Christianists speak, the 1950s were Heaven. And the wrold would be much better off if we returned to the values of that era.

Odd, then, that they never mention one more fact of life in that Golden Age.

Throughout the 1950s, the top income tax rate was 91%.

Wonder how many Conservatives think we should return to that?

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

This Yahoo story says that "Nearly half of all Americans believe the U.S. government should restrict the civil liberties of Muslim Americans, according to a nationwide poll."

According to this survey by Cornell:

44 percent favored at least some restrictions on the civil liberties of Muslim Americans. Forty-eight percent said liberties should not be restricted in any way...27 percent of respondents supported requiring all Muslim Americans to register where they lived with the federal government. Twenty-two percent favored racial profiling to identify potential terrorist threats. And 29 percent thought undercover agents should infiltrate Muslim civic and volunteer organizations to keep tabs on their activities and fund-raising.

Folks, this is exactly why you can't put the civil rights of minorities up to vote. It's why we let "activist judges," rather than mob rule, decide questions of civil rights.

Some day, some pollster is going to think to ask if people support restrictions on speech by fundamentalist Christian groups. I'm guessing that a majority of the population would answer "yes."

And when that day comes, the Ivory Madonna will be waiting to hear impassioned choruses of "Let the voters decide!"

...but she won't be holding her breath.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Homegrown Democrat

The Ivory Madonna has been reading -- and savoring -- Garrison Keillor's Homegrown Democrat. This marvelous little book is a meditation on Democratic values, and the nature of the Republican threat to the United States.

Here's a reflection on riding the bus:

In the new privatized low-tax minimal-services society the Republicans are striving to lay on us, public transportation will offer no pleasure whatsoever. The bus will be for losers and dopes. The driver will sit in a bulletproof box and there will be no conversation with him. The bus will be full of angry and sullen people who have lost hope that their kids can rise in the world and have a better life, which is the hope that makes it possible for me to turn to you and say something about the weather. Civility leads to civilities. In Republican America, you will not enjoy public life period. The public library, that great democratic temple, will become a waiting room for desperate and broken people, the alkies, the wacked-out, the unemployables, and the public schools will become holding tanks for children whose parents were too unresourceful to find good schools for them, and politics will become so ugly and rancid that decent people will avoid expressing an opinion for fear of being screeched at and hectored and spat upon.

I don't know about you, but from where the Ivory Madonna sits, that last part is already entirely too real....

Here's another quote:

America is not a religious country, no matter how many Americans say they believe in God. I've been in religious countries and this is not one of them. There is no Sabbath, no fasting or prohibitions, every day is a feast day. You can buy liquor on Sunday almost anywhere, find pornography in any Marriott or Wal-Mart, say any ugly, profane thing on the radio or anywhere -- we're fat and sloppy and as disciplined as a battalion of cats, an impulsive, dreamy people walking around eating ice cream cones and eyeballing the girls' sweaters and dreaming of a big hit in the lottery. If God is looking for a nation to carry out His will on earth, it isn't this one. And it wasn't leftist professors who led us into the sins of the flesh: it was capitalist entrepreneurs. If the Pharisees really wanted to make this a God-fearing nation, they'd be taking up their cudgels against fellow Republicans.

In this connection, my friend Don Sakers has posted this reply to a Republican Party letter asking him to change his affiliation from Democrat of Republican.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Delivering the State

Let us suppose – just hypothetically – that one is a political fundraiser who has pledged, in the next election, to deliver a certain state for a particular candidate. How would one go about this?

First and foremost, it is vital that there be absolutely no evidence of irregularity. Were such evidence found, it could prove fatal to one’s chosen candidate.

Therefore, a voting method that leaves no paper trail would be ideal. Some sort of electronic device, one which creates invisible ballots that are tallied by secret software within the machine.

Once the desired machine is deployed, delivering votes for one’s candidate is simplicity itself. Decide what margin of victory you want for your candidate. Pick a number comfortably larger than the anticipated number of absentee and provisional ballots, so there will be no uncertainty and no reason for a pesky recount. (We’re assuming that polls show the election very close to begin with, preferably a statistical dead heat.)

Just picking numbers out a hat, let’s say we want a margin of victory of . . . oh . . . let's say 150 thousand votes out of 5.4 million cast. Program the voting machines in the following manner. Change every 17th vote cast for your candidate’s opponent, into a vote for your candidate. Make this adjustment AFTER the voter has confirmed his/her vote.

That’s it. Change every 17th vote, and you will deliver the state for your candidate. If someone demands a recount, it’s simple - just press the button, and the same exact numbers will come out. It’s a computer, you see, so the answers MUST be right. There’s no paper trail, no record of votes outside the machine, so how can anyone prove your count wrong?

Only one discrepancy will remain to point the way to what you’ve done: any exit polls will be mysteriously off-target. This is inevitable, because exit polls are based on asking real live voters which way they THINK they voted. The way the machine TOLD them they voted . . . not the way the machine actually reported their vote.

Exit polls are usually among the most accurate of public-opinion polls. So if you see a state, maybe a battleground state which used electronic voting machines, in which the exit polls disagree with the official tallies…then perhaps someone programmed the machines to alter the results.

Or perhaps not. After all, there’s no paper trail, no physical evidence, no way for anyone to prove vote tampering.

Of course, this is just a hypothetical situation . . . .

-M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Creating Jobs in PA

The Ivory Madonna has just returned from a multi-state driving trip in the U.S. Northeast, and she noticed something interesting.

There's an awful lot of road construction going on in Pennsylvania.

The Ivory Madonna drove on many Interstates: 83, 81, 84, 90, 495, 95, and probably a few she's forgotten. In Pennsylvania in particular, she was on 83, 81, and 84 twice, about a week apart.

No road construction in New Hampshire. None in Massachusetts. A smattering in Connecticut. A tiny bit in New York. None in Maryland. But Pennsylvania...goodness!

Come down the long hill on I-84 from New York into Pennsylvania. On the approach to Port Jervis, the road is terrible...but there's no construction. But cross the Delaware, and as soon as you're in Pennsylvania, bam! Road construction.

Road construction on the way into Scranton. Road construction on I-81 south of Wilkes-Barre. LOTS of road construction north of Harrisburg. Road construction on I-83 around York. Scattered road construction across the whole eastern half of the state.

Why Pennsylvania? Why Interstate Highway road construction?

Hmmm. A swing state with a depressed economy.

A very close swing state that has lost a lot of jobs.

Road construction paid for by the Federal government.

An election coming up.

Hmmmm....

Lots of Federal money flowing into a close swing state, creating temporary jobs. Very little Federal money flowing into neighboring non-swing states.

Now, Liberal fiscal theory says that if people are out of work, the government should create jobs for them in order to stimulate the economy. Conservative fiscal theory says that if people are out of work, the government should cut taxes to stimulate the economy. Unless, apparently, it's a close swing state...in which case the government should create jobs for people.

Temporary jobs, which will cease to exist after the election.

Contracting jobs, which don't pay benefits.

Hey, one must stick to one's principles. Unless, of course, one is in danger of losing the election. Then, of course, anything goes.

-M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Lines on a Map

T'other day the Ivory Madonna heard a particularly inane comment on the radio. The commentator said, "At the moment, the United States is the only glue holding Iraq together. If we pull our troops out, Iraq as a nation will cease to exist. It will be replaced by three or more smaller nations."

The United States is the only glue holding Iraq together.

And what, pray tell, is so imperative about Iraq staying "together"? Why is it so bloody important that the artificial construct we call "Iraq" remain a single sovereign nation? ("Nation" itself is another artificial construct, but let's not get into that right now.) What's wrong with three or more smaller nations?

Lines on a map, drawn by the British in 1920. Lines that are so meaningless that they will quickly dissolve unless enforced at gunpoint. Lines that bind together peoples who desperately want to be separate.

That's what soldiers are dying for. That's why violence rules Iraq, why civilians are killed and maimed by the thousands. That's why the U.S. must stay in Iraq. Because of some artificial lines drawn 84 years ago.

Perhaps some lines are worth dying to preserve.

These aren't.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Quote for the Day

Quote for the day:

"People can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. ...All you have to do is tell them the're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

I don't think anything more need be said.

Oh, right. The author of the quote above?

Herman Goering.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Liberal Media

Conservatives and Christianists love to complain about "liberal bias" in the media. A lot of media organizations are quick to take exception. On yesterday's Diane Rehm Show on NPR, for example, both Diane Rehm and guest Terry Gross (host of NPR's Fresh Air) went to great lengths about the pains that they and other NPR people take to make sure that their programming is fair, balanced, and inclusive of all sides.

...Which, you see, is just the problem. Fairness, balance, and inclusion are themselves liberal notions. As soon as you decide to be fair, to give all sides equal time, to include all points of view -- right there, you are displaying a liberal bias.

To the Conservatives and Christianists, the opposite of "liberal bias" is not "fair and balanced"...the opposite of "liberal bias" is "conservative bias." That's what they want in all news programming, not just Fox News and its ilk, but everywhere. And any media outlet that doesn't provide a conservative bias, is automatically guilty of "liberal bias." For them, there is no middle ground of "fairness." There is only bias, conservative or liberal.

Yet when they hurl the charge "liberal bias," everyone takes them seriously. News media, even NPR, take conscious steps to address the issue. Why?

There is only one reason that this tactic succeeds for the Conservatives. That's because for the American people, by and large, fairness is a good thing, a desireable state of affairs. For most Americans, the opposite of "liberal bias" (or "conservative bias") is "fairness." An accusation of "liberal bias" is taken seriously because, to most Americans, it is an accusation of "unfairness."

And if there's one thing the American people can't stomach, one virtue that nearly everyone agrees upon, it's fairness. Everyone should get to play, and everyone should have a fair chance in the game. That's the American way.

I think the Democrats are losing a big opportunity here. They should be casting issues in terms of fairness/unfairness, rather than liberal/conservative.

Most people don't care if their taxes are high...as long as they perceive that the tax burden is spread fairly. People get upset with taxes when they see rich individuals and corporations getting away with paying less than their fair share.

Most people are uncomfortable with using the word "marriage" for unions between same-sex partners...but they are equally uncomfortable with same-sex couples not getting the same legal benefits as opposite-sex couples. People want things to be fair.

Most people will support any stupid thing a President does (i.e. invading a foreign country)...as long as he doesn't lie about the reasons. People want the President to play fair.

I could go on and on. Medical insurance, Social Security, the budget deficit, immigration, voting machines, the Electoral College...no matter what the issue, most people in the United States support whatever seems most fair. They know that life isn't fair, and that we'll never achieve a state of perfect fairness...but they believe that fairness is a virtue, something to strive for.

The Democrats should be pushing that message constantly, pointing out how the Conservatives and Christianists want things to be unfair, to preserve bias, to shut certain people out of the game.

And that's my unbiased, balanced, and fair opinion.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.