Pay No Attention To the $82 Billion Behind the Curtain

$82 billion more for a war that we started on the pretext of nonexistent weapons of mass destruction.

$82 billion that is not included in the "official" budget, which already admits a record deficit.

The Ivory Madonna just looked in her dictionary under "throwing good money after bad." There she found a picture of this $82 billion supplementary budget request.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Fixing Social Security

The Ivory Madonna has been doing a lot of reading on Social Security. And she's come to some conclusions, all of which seem compellingly obvious.

(Fair disclosure here: The Ivory Madonna is 46 years old. Last year she earned a gross salaray of just a hair under $50,000.)

#1: There is no crisis in Social Security. Sure, the system is going to run into problems, and probably within the Ivory Madonna's lifetime -- but there is no crisis that demands immediate attention.

#2: The looming problems with Social Security (as opposed to Medicare) are minor, and can be adequately addressed by two very simple changes:

(a) Eliminate the ceiling on earnings subject to payroll tax. Currently, payroll tax is applied only to the first $90,000 of earnings. That limit should be abolished. (If not abolished altogether, it should certainly be raised substantially.)

(b) Phase in means-testing for retirement benefits. Retirees with high incomes need fewer benefits than those with low incomes. Benefits should shrink (and eventually disappear) as income rises.

Some argue that both these changes will provide "dis-incentives" for people to earn higher salaries, thus destroying the economy. Yeah, right. You can see the reasoning. A person making $90,000 a year ($83,133 after payroll taxes) is going to say, "No, I don't think I'll go for that position paying $100,000...because with payroll taxes, it's only an increase of $9,237 instead of $10,000."

The real argument against both these changes, coming from the rich, is "we don't wanna pay more or receive less."

The Ivory Madonna's mother had the answer to that argument:

Times are tough. Life isn't fair. Get over it.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Social Security

So the Bushies want to reform Social Security. T'other day the Ivory Madonna heard one of them on the radio, saying something like:

People should be allowed to make their own choices in investing their retirement funds, and then take responsibility for the choices they make. If they make good investment choices, then they'll be much better off; and if they make bad choices, that will be their responsibility.

Excuse me, but we've tried that before. It was called The Great Depression.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Resolved...

The Ivory Madonna's New Year's Resolution for 2005:

This year, I will stop saying nasty things about people who aren't around...unless the things I say are terribly, terribly clever.

Previous resolutions:

2002: I will become a slob.
2003: Having become a slob, I will aspire to become a lazy slob.
2004: Having succeeded spectacularly in becoming a lazy slob, I resolve to become a fat, lazy slob.

-M

PS: See other blogger's resolutions at http://www.technorati.com/2005resolutions.html

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Not-So Golden Age

Conservatives and Christianists are always nattering on about the Golden Age of the 1950s. Everything was wonderful in the 1950s. WASP males ruled the world, with their exclusive privileges and perogatives enforced by law and custom. Drinking and smoking were universal. Nobody cussed (except the Good Ole Boys in their exclusive boardrooms). Sexuality was repressed...as, indeed, were virtually all other human emotions. Everybody went to (Christian) church, and collection plates were overflowing. To hear the Conservtives and Christianists speak, the 1950s were Heaven. And the wrold would be much better off if we returned to the values of that era.

Odd, then, that they never mention one more fact of life in that Golden Age.

Throughout the 1950s, the top income tax rate was 91%.

Wonder how many Conservatives think we should return to that?

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

This Yahoo story says that "Nearly half of all Americans believe the U.S. government should restrict the civil liberties of Muslim Americans, according to a nationwide poll."

According to this survey by Cornell:

44 percent favored at least some restrictions on the civil liberties of Muslim Americans. Forty-eight percent said liberties should not be restricted in any way...27 percent of respondents supported requiring all Muslim Americans to register where they lived with the federal government. Twenty-two percent favored racial profiling to identify potential terrorist threats. And 29 percent thought undercover agents should infiltrate Muslim civic and volunteer organizations to keep tabs on their activities and fund-raising.

Folks, this is exactly why you can't put the civil rights of minorities up to vote. It's why we let "activist judges," rather than mob rule, decide questions of civil rights.

Some day, some pollster is going to think to ask if people support restrictions on speech by fundamentalist Christian groups. I'm guessing that a majority of the population would answer "yes."

And when that day comes, the Ivory Madonna will be waiting to hear impassioned choruses of "Let the voters decide!"

...but she won't be holding her breath.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Homegrown Democrat

The Ivory Madonna has been reading -- and savoring -- Garrison Keillor's Homegrown Democrat. This marvelous little book is a meditation on Democratic values, and the nature of the Republican threat to the United States.

Here's a reflection on riding the bus:

In the new privatized low-tax minimal-services society the Republicans are striving to lay on us, public transportation will offer no pleasure whatsoever. The bus will be for losers and dopes. The driver will sit in a bulletproof box and there will be no conversation with him. The bus will be full of angry and sullen people who have lost hope that their kids can rise in the world and have a better life, which is the hope that makes it possible for me to turn to you and say something about the weather. Civility leads to civilities. In Republican America, you will not enjoy public life period. The public library, that great democratic temple, will become a waiting room for desperate and broken people, the alkies, the wacked-out, the unemployables, and the public schools will become holding tanks for children whose parents were too unresourceful to find good schools for them, and politics will become so ugly and rancid that decent people will avoid expressing an opinion for fear of being screeched at and hectored and spat upon.

I don't know about you, but from where the Ivory Madonna sits, that last part is already entirely too real....

Here's another quote:

America is not a religious country, no matter how many Americans say they believe in God. I've been in religious countries and this is not one of them. There is no Sabbath, no fasting or prohibitions, every day is a feast day. You can buy liquor on Sunday almost anywhere, find pornography in any Marriott or Wal-Mart, say any ugly, profane thing on the radio or anywhere -- we're fat and sloppy and as disciplined as a battalion of cats, an impulsive, dreamy people walking around eating ice cream cones and eyeballing the girls' sweaters and dreaming of a big hit in the lottery. If God is looking for a nation to carry out His will on earth, it isn't this one. And it wasn't leftist professors who led us into the sins of the flesh: it was capitalist entrepreneurs. If the Pharisees really wanted to make this a God-fearing nation, they'd be taking up their cudgels against fellow Republicans.

In this connection, my friend Don Sakers has posted this reply to a Republican Party letter asking him to change his affiliation from Democrat of Republican.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Delivering the State

Let us suppose – just hypothetically – that one is a political fundraiser who has pledged, in the next election, to deliver a certain state for a particular candidate. How would one go about this?

First and foremost, it is vital that there be absolutely no evidence of irregularity. Were such evidence found, it could prove fatal to one’s chosen candidate.

Therefore, a voting method that leaves no paper trail would be ideal. Some sort of electronic device, one which creates invisible ballots that are tallied by secret software within the machine.

Once the desired machine is deployed, delivering votes for one’s candidate is simplicity itself. Decide what margin of victory you want for your candidate. Pick a number comfortably larger than the anticipated number of absentee and provisional ballots, so there will be no uncertainty and no reason for a pesky recount. (We’re assuming that polls show the election very close to begin with, preferably a statistical dead heat.)

Just picking numbers out a hat, let’s say we want a margin of victory of . . . oh . . . let's say 150 thousand votes out of 5.4 million cast. Program the voting machines in the following manner. Change every 17th vote cast for your candidate’s opponent, into a vote for your candidate. Make this adjustment AFTER the voter has confirmed his/her vote.

That’s it. Change every 17th vote, and you will deliver the state for your candidate. If someone demands a recount, it’s simple - just press the button, and the same exact numbers will come out. It’s a computer, you see, so the answers MUST be right. There’s no paper trail, no record of votes outside the machine, so how can anyone prove your count wrong?

Only one discrepancy will remain to point the way to what you’ve done: any exit polls will be mysteriously off-target. This is inevitable, because exit polls are based on asking real live voters which way they THINK they voted. The way the machine TOLD them they voted . . . not the way the machine actually reported their vote.

Exit polls are usually among the most accurate of public-opinion polls. So if you see a state, maybe a battleground state which used electronic voting machines, in which the exit polls disagree with the official tallies…then perhaps someone programmed the machines to alter the results.

Or perhaps not. After all, there’s no paper trail, no physical evidence, no way for anyone to prove vote tampering.

Of course, this is just a hypothetical situation . . . .

-M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Creating Jobs in PA

The Ivory Madonna has just returned from a multi-state driving trip in the U.S. Northeast, and she noticed something interesting.

There's an awful lot of road construction going on in Pennsylvania.

The Ivory Madonna drove on many Interstates: 83, 81, 84, 90, 495, 95, and probably a few she's forgotten. In Pennsylvania in particular, she was on 83, 81, and 84 twice, about a week apart.

No road construction in New Hampshire. None in Massachusetts. A smattering in Connecticut. A tiny bit in New York. None in Maryland. But Pennsylvania...goodness!

Come down the long hill on I-84 from New York into Pennsylvania. On the approach to Port Jervis, the road is terrible...but there's no construction. But cross the Delaware, and as soon as you're in Pennsylvania, bam! Road construction.

Road construction on the way into Scranton. Road construction on I-81 south of Wilkes-Barre. LOTS of road construction north of Harrisburg. Road construction on I-83 around York. Scattered road construction across the whole eastern half of the state.

Why Pennsylvania? Why Interstate Highway road construction?

Hmmm. A swing state with a depressed economy.

A very close swing state that has lost a lot of jobs.

Road construction paid for by the Federal government.

An election coming up.

Hmmmm....

Lots of Federal money flowing into a close swing state, creating temporary jobs. Very little Federal money flowing into neighboring non-swing states.

Now, Liberal fiscal theory says that if people are out of work, the government should create jobs for them in order to stimulate the economy. Conservative fiscal theory says that if people are out of work, the government should cut taxes to stimulate the economy. Unless, apparently, it's a close swing state...in which case the government should create jobs for people.

Temporary jobs, which will cease to exist after the election.

Contracting jobs, which don't pay benefits.

Hey, one must stick to one's principles. Unless, of course, one is in danger of losing the election. Then, of course, anything goes.

-M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Lines on a Map

T'other day the Ivory Madonna heard a particularly inane comment on the radio. The commentator said, "At the moment, the United States is the only glue holding Iraq together. If we pull our troops out, Iraq as a nation will cease to exist. It will be replaced by three or more smaller nations."

The United States is the only glue holding Iraq together.

And what, pray tell, is so imperative about Iraq staying "together"? Why is it so bloody important that the artificial construct we call "Iraq" remain a single sovereign nation? ("Nation" itself is another artificial construct, but let's not get into that right now.) What's wrong with three or more smaller nations?

Lines on a map, drawn by the British in 1920. Lines that are so meaningless that they will quickly dissolve unless enforced at gunpoint. Lines that bind together peoples who desperately want to be separate.

That's what soldiers are dying for. That's why violence rules Iraq, why civilians are killed and maimed by the thousands. That's why the U.S. must stay in Iraq. Because of some artificial lines drawn 84 years ago.

Perhaps some lines are worth dying to preserve.

These aren't.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Quote for the Day

Quote for the day:

"People can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. ...All you have to do is tell them the're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

I don't think anything more need be said.

Oh, right. The author of the quote above?

Herman Goering.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Liberal Media

Conservatives and Christianists love to complain about "liberal bias" in the media. A lot of media organizations are quick to take exception. On yesterday's Diane Rehm Show on NPR, for example, both Diane Rehm and guest Terry Gross (host of NPR's Fresh Air) went to great lengths about the pains that they and other NPR people take to make sure that their programming is fair, balanced, and inclusive of all sides.

...Which, you see, is just the problem. Fairness, balance, and inclusion are themselves liberal notions. As soon as you decide to be fair, to give all sides equal time, to include all points of view -- right there, you are displaying a liberal bias.

To the Conservatives and Christianists, the opposite of "liberal bias" is not "fair and balanced"...the opposite of "liberal bias" is "conservative bias." That's what they want in all news programming, not just Fox News and its ilk, but everywhere. And any media outlet that doesn't provide a conservative bias, is automatically guilty of "liberal bias." For them, there is no middle ground of "fairness." There is only bias, conservative or liberal.

Yet when they hurl the charge "liberal bias," everyone takes them seriously. News media, even NPR, take conscious steps to address the issue. Why?

There is only one reason that this tactic succeeds for the Conservatives. That's because for the American people, by and large, fairness is a good thing, a desireable state of affairs. For most Americans, the opposite of "liberal bias" (or "conservative bias") is "fairness." An accusation of "liberal bias" is taken seriously because, to most Americans, it is an accusation of "unfairness."

And if there's one thing the American people can't stomach, one virtue that nearly everyone agrees upon, it's fairness. Everyone should get to play, and everyone should have a fair chance in the game. That's the American way.

I think the Democrats are losing a big opportunity here. They should be casting issues in terms of fairness/unfairness, rather than liberal/conservative.

Most people don't care if their taxes are high...as long as they perceive that the tax burden is spread fairly. People get upset with taxes when they see rich individuals and corporations getting away with paying less than their fair share.

Most people are uncomfortable with using the word "marriage" for unions between same-sex partners...but they are equally uncomfortable with same-sex couples not getting the same legal benefits as opposite-sex couples. People want things to be fair.

Most people will support any stupid thing a President does (i.e. invading a foreign country)...as long as he doesn't lie about the reasons. People want the President to play fair.

I could go on and on. Medical insurance, Social Security, the budget deficit, immigration, voting machines, the Electoral College...no matter what the issue, most people in the United States support whatever seems most fair. They know that life isn't fair, and that we'll never achieve a state of perfect fairness...but they believe that fairness is a virtue, something to strive for.

The Democrats should be pushing that message constantly, pointing out how the Conservatives and Christianists want things to be unfair, to preserve bias, to shut certain people out of the game.

And that's my unbiased, balanced, and fair opinion.

-M

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Assorted Bits of Advice

Memo to Floridians: The Ivory Madonna is sorry about your losses due to Hurricane Charley. She wishes to express her sympathy with the victims of Hurricane Georges in 1998, Hurricanes Erin and Opal in 1995, Hurricane Andrew in 1992, Agnes in 1972, Betsy in 1965, Cleo in 1964, Donna in 1960, and hundreds of other lesser hurricanes and tropical storms that have ravaged Florida over the past three centuries.

She also wishes to remind Floridians that there is absolutely no law against moving to a safer state.

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Memo to Republicans Who Are Disenchanted With Bush: The Ivory Madonna feels your pain. The economy is in the toilet. The United States has lost what few friends it had in the world. Both the Federal Budget Deficit and the Trade Deficit are at the highest levels ever. The rich keep getting richer, the poor keep getting poorer, and the middle class are sinking lower and lower. Civil liberties continue to vanish under Yellow Alerts, Orange Alerts, Red Alerts, Chartruese Alerts. Almost a thousand U.S. troops have died in Iraq, all because of Weapons of Mass Destruction that weren't there and an alleged connection between Saddam and al-Queada that doesn't exist.

And yet you just can't bring yourself to vote for Kerry.

The Ivory Madonna understands. Her first suggestion is that you consider casting a protest vote for Nader. Many other Republicans are doing the same.

Yeah, the Ivory Madonna hears you. Nader? Yuck.

There is hope. The Ivory Madonna reminds you that there is absolutely no law requiring you to vote. You don't want to vote for Bush, you can't vote for Kerry or Nader. So stay home this time. It's okay. Really.

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Memo to Virginians: You don't have to stay there. Honestly. There's no law that says you can't move.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Homeschooling On the Rise

So homeschooling is on the rise, with over a million students being homeschooled last year (link). Thirty percent of parents said they chose homeschooling for "the flexibility to teach religious or moral lessons."

Translated: "Public schools refuse to teach my kid the ridiculous superstitions, absurd myths, and social prejudices that my religion espouses. I am aware that none of these beliefs could possibly survive comparison with other, more rational streams of thought -- therefore, I do not want my kid exposed to any other opinions. Besides, I don't want my precious, purebred child to associate with people of different racial/social/economic backgrounds, in case he/she might bring one of them home. Therefore, I will keep my kid out of public school, and indoctrinate him/her myself."

One hears unspoken words echoing in the background. Words like "evolution," "blacks," "Jews," "ho-mo-sexuals."

One has to wonder...when that kid grows up, and gets a job working with people of diverse backgrounds -- what's going to happen? How will the poor kid know what to do?

I suppose these parents feel that they are rich enough that their kids won't have to work.

Pity it's the kids -- not the parents -- who will suffer.

M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Darfur Airlift

So the UN has begun airdrops of food and other relief supplies into Darfur (link). About bloody time.

Now wouldn't that be a magnificent use of the United States's military power and air superiority? Wouldn't it be great if, instead of smart bombs, we could be dropping smart aid packages?

Oh, but wait, the US military is tied up in the disastrous aftermath of an unprovoked war.

Ah, well, who cares? Not only does Darfur not have any oil, but they're just a bunch of dahkies anyways....

Is it any wonder that everyone in the world hates us?

M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Who's Gagging Speech?

Opponents of gay rights are quick to raise the specter of free speech being gagged. Part of the Gay Agenda, they say, is to classify opposition to gay rights as "hate speech," and to punish those who speak their minds.

Well, here's a case of "A church choir director [who] was fired after church officials took issue with a newspaper opinion piece he wrote urging support of gay marriage." Dennis Adam Ray, choir director at the First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Sebring, FL, was fired after he expressed his pro-gay opinions in a July 22 guest column in a local newspaper.

Punishing those who speak their minds is not part of the Gay Agenda...but apparently it is part of the Christianist Agenda.

M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Full Moon

One of the Ivory Madonna's co-workers just dealt with a particularly obtuse customer. Returning to her station, the co-worker muttered, "Must be a full moon."

She refers, of course, to the old bit of folklore that claims people are especially crazy around the time of the full moon.

The Ivory Madonna heartily agrees with this theory. Based on years of observation, she firmly believes it, and has worked it out to an exact statement, which she will now share with you:

During the period two weeks before and after each full moon, people behave like stark, raving lunatics.

-M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Berger and Files

So Sandy Berger removed sensitive documents from the National Archives, and he's being accused of trying to hide embarrassing secrets related to 9/11 (link).

What is it with Republicans and trying to hide embarrassing secrets?

M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Cutting the Grass

What is it with this society's abnormal preoccupation with cutting the grass?

The Ivory Madonna currently presides over about half an acre of ground. Before her arrival, this half-acre was a vast wasteland of grass, with a nice line of cedar trees along one border. Just the sort of place that would make a nice, native-growth meadow.

Harumph. Tell that to the Lawn Nazis.

Yes, the Ivory Madonna's local government has an entire department of the bureaucracy devoted to the sole task of forcing people to cut their grass. Every month or so, when the neighbors call the Lawn Nazis upon her, the Ivory Madonna receives a threatening letter from this department, telling her that if her plants are not trimmed to below six inches, they will send a crew out to do so, and then charge her for the service.

Then down come the daisies, the coneflowers, the wild roses, the ornamental grasses, the waves of amber grain. Away flee the bunnies, the birds, the butterflies and dragonflies, and all the other happy animals whose habitat has just been slashed to the ground.

Meanwhile, in a nation that is suffering from a shortage of petroleum products, countless gallons are wasted in weekly mowings. Greenhouses gases pour into the atmosphere from millions of lawnmowers. A positive haze of ozone and other pollutants hangs over the world. Not to mention the thousands of person-hours lost in this constant grass-cutting.

Why? To satisfy conformity. To provide lawnmower dealers with a guaranteed income. And (it's no secret) to personally annoy the Ivory Madonna and her entourage.

This nonsense must cease.

M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Activist Judges

Things aren't looking good for the radical right and fundamentalist Christianists on the gay marriage front. It's been two months since gay couples started getting legally married in Massachusetts, and somehow God hasn't sent down fire and brimstone (maybe He has more important things on His plate). Civilization has not collapsed. Yesterday's humiliating defeat of the Federal marriage Amendment shows how out-of-touch these people are.

But hate and fear spring eternal, and now they're going after "activist judges" (link). The new mantra is "activist judges should not be allowed to write laws, like they did in Massachusetts. The legislature should write the laws."

Hey, folks, quit beating up on the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court (MSJC), okay?

The MSJC did everything in their power to let the legislature write the laws. The legislature just didn't co-operate.

Here's what the MSJC said, paraphrased by the Ivory Madonna: "Hey, Legislature! You know, we've got a bad situation here. Our marriage laws are in conflict with our Constitution. We'd like to point this out to you, so you can do something about it.

"So here's the deal: we won't do anything immediately. We'll give you six months to write laws to eliminate this conflict. Maybe you could take a look at existing marriage laws, re-examine the whole concept of marriage and what it means? The field is wide open, you can make any laws you wish, as long as they're consistent with the Constitution. Please take advantage of this period, and write some good laws. That's your job, not ours. That's what you were elected for.

"Really, guys, we're serious here: Please give us some laws that are consistent with the Constitution. Because if you don't, we'll do what the Constitution says, and give everybody equal treatment under the law. But we're confident it won't come to that, becuase you Legislature guys are just as serious about your responsibilities as we are, and we know you'll do your job."

The Legislature pissed away several months doing nothing but bitching and complaining. After a while, they said, "Hey, MSJC, we know you said the Constitution requires 'equal treatment,' but we figured 'unequal treatment' would be fine instead. Is that okay?"

At which point the MSJC said, "Uh, guys? 'Equal treatment' means 'equal treatment.' That's what it says, in black and white. Don't you think you should get busy writing some laws? You've only got a month or so. Please, please, don't put us in the position of having to act because you didn't do your job."

At the last possible minute, having piddled away six whole months, the Legislature decided to begin the process of changing the State Constitution.

The six month deadline came, and the Legislature had not changed State marriage laws by so much as a single comma. So the MSJC did what they said they would, and ordered that existing laws should be administered so that everyone gets equal treatment, the way the Constitution says.

Suddenly, everyone started screaming at the MSJC, for doing exactly what it said it would do if the Legislature didn't do its job.

The Massachusetts Legislature had the opportunity to take a hard look at the whole concept of marriage, to have the difficult discussions and come up with a way to balance religious beliefs, social justice, and equality. They could have taken a leaf from the French, and set up an institution of "civil union" for all citizens, leaving "marriage" to the churches alone. They could have scrapped "marriage" entirely, and created brand new institutions that would fit the 21st century and not conflict with tradition. They could have done anything. Instead, in the words of John Adams in 1776, they "piddled, twiddled, and resolved."

"Activist judges," phooey. What we need are activist lawmakers who will do their job and write laws to correct injustices, rather than pissing away the time they have in futile bitching and moaning.

M.

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The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.