The Opening Wedge Down the Slippery Slope

"If we allow gay marriage, the next step is polygamy/incestual marriage/marraige to pets/marriage to Fords/etc."

The conservatives and Christianists say this all the time.

Take a step back. What they are actually saying is:

The sole reason that we don't have polygamy/etc. is because gays can't marry. Once gays are allowed to marry, there is no other conceivable reason to bar polygamy, incestual marriage, etc.

Huh?

The only thing preventing marriage between people and their pets, is the fact that two women who love one another can't marry?

Do they have any idea how stupid that is?

Obviously not.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Death Penalty

There's talk again about the death penalty.

The Ivory Madonna is neither for nor against. Her position is a little more nuanced, and frankly, she distrusts anyone who has an absolutist view on the matter. She distrusts anyone who claims that they know all the answers. Absolutely. :)

Personally, the Ivory Madonna would prefer not to use the death penalty. She tends to agree with Gandalf the Grey: "Many who live deserve death. And some who die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement."

Still, in the case of a particularly heinous criminal -- a Jeffrey Dahmer or Timothy McVeigh -- when the evidence is clear-cut and there is no chance of mistake . . . then if you feel that you must execute, for "closure" or "justice" or whatever reason, the Ivory Madonna will not stand in your way.

(She will say that it was probably a mistake to execute McVeigh so soon . . . who knows what accomplices he might have had, or other plans he might have alerted us to? We will never know.)

Now, to the Ivory Madonna's taste, death is too easy a punishment in such cases -- the sort of namby-pamby, bleeding-heart sentimentality that liberals are always accused of. Life in prison -- real prison, not white-collar country clubs -- is a much more lasting punishment, and should satisfy anyone's lust for revenge. But she's certainly not going to object if the rest of you want to put a McVeigh or Dahmer out of his misery quickly.

It's the less clear-cut cases that are the problem, isn't it? The ones where there is a shadow of doubt . . . even a bare possibility of mistake. For death is, in computer terms, "not-undoable." If someone is imprisoned and we find out we've made a mistake, they can be freed. If someone is fined and we find out we've made a mistake, they can be paid back. But if someone is killed and we find out we've made a mistake . . . which we have, in the past . . . there's really no way to make good.

You'd think Christians and Christianists would be familiar with this concept: their Jesus said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." But Christians and Christianists are too busy fighting gay marriage and protesting abortion to speak up about the death penalty.

Long ago, the Ivory Madonna read some philosopher or theologian, she can't remember whom, who was speaking of the existence of Hell. He said: "Because god is just, I believe that there is a Hell. And because god is merciful, I believe that Hell is empty."

The Ivory Madonna thinks that isn't a bad model for the death penalty. Because we are just, we should have a death penalty. And because we are merciful, we should not use it.

Lots of people have the "just" thing down pat; it's the "merciful" that they need to work on.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Stay the Course

The Ivory Madonna has changed her mind about the war in Iraq.

She is no longer advocating an immediate withdrawal of US troops, coupled with efforts to persuade other nations (especially Arab countries) to take over peacekeeping duties in Iraq.

Instead, she now believes that the US should Stay the Course.

(stay with me here)

The Ivory Madonna believes that it is vitally important for the United States to keep troops in Iraq until the job is done. That we should definitely Stay the Course. For how long? Well, ideally until the middle of November, 2008...but at very least until the middle of November of 2006.

Why has the Ivory Madonna changed her mind?

Because if the US keeps troops in Iraq until the November 2006 elections, then it's almost certain that the Republicans will lose control of both the House and the Senate. And if we can keep our boys & girls over there until after the 2008 elections, then there won't be a single Republican left in office anywhere in the country.

Yes, there will be casualties, and the Ivory Madonna regrets that. But our brave soldiers are fighting for more than liberty and democracy in Iraq -- they are fighting to preserve liberty and democracy here in the United States. Their injuries and deaths will not be in vain...for each one brings us closer to the complete defeat of tyranny here at home.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

No Relief for Louisiana

My friend and creator, Don Sakers, has issued the following statement about Louisiana and the devastation that state has suffered from Hurricane Katrina.

As I write this, much of Louisiana -- including New Orleans -- is a disaster area. The damage done by Hurricane Katrina was devastating, refugees are in bad straits everywhere, and there is widespread looting and pillaging in the streets.

Under ordinary circumstances, I would rush to my checkbook to send off a donation to the Red Cross. I have routinely done this in the wake of every major disaster in the last few decades.

However, these are not ordinary circumstances.

In 2004, the residents of Louisiana overwhelmingly approved a constitutional amendment denying same-sex couples not only the right to marry, but the right to enter into any sort of civil union. Louisiana made it blindingly, abundantly clear that they did not want same-sex couples in their state. In Louisiana, gay people are second-class citizens.

Well, if Louisiana doesn't want us, it certainly doesn't want our money. Therefore, I will not be sending any relief money to Louisiana. I urge all other gay people and their friends not to send any gay-tainted dollars to this bigoted state. They have made their bed, now let them float in it.

-Don Sakers

What more can I say but "You go, girl!"

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

This Country Was Founded On...

Conservatives and Christianists are always telling us that "This country (i.e. the USA) was founded on Judeo-Christian principles and based on the authority of the Bible."

False.

Very false. In fact, the USA was founded on rationalism and the humanist ideals of the Enlightenment, based on the writings of Locke, Rousseau, and that whole crowd.

Doesn't that sound familiar from sixth-grade Civics class? (If not, then you probably went to a religious school or were home-schooled. Or possibly you went to school in Kansas, and were also taught that the world was created in six days, that the Earth is flat, and that George W. Bush is a good President.)

Many of the early European settlers fled to North America to escape religious persecution in their own countries. (Some fled to North America so that they could set up their own persecution of other religions.) See, that sounds pretty familiar, too, doesn't it?

The Founders were quite aware of the dangers of an official state religion, and of unfettered power for religion in general. They deliberately established a nation without an official religion, a nation where the state is forbidden to "make any law respecting an establishment of religion." (If that doesn't sound familiar, stop reading now...you are probably already in serious trouble with the theocrats who run your government.)

The Christianists and Conservatives keep telling the lie that this country was founded on religious beliefs. And because they repeat it so often, everyone starts believing the lie.

The only way to combat a lie is to tell the truth, to tell it repeatedly and positively. So please do the Ivory Madonna a favor. The next time you hear someone spouting that "Judeo-Christian nation" claptrap, or talking about passing laws based on the Ten Commandments or the Bible or the Apocrypha, please say what the Ivory Madonna says:

"This country was founded on rationalism and the humanist ideals of the Enlightenment, and it saddens me to see this creeping religionism that turns its back on those ideals."

If enough of us tell the truth often enough, maybe the lie will fade away....

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

God and the Boy Scouts

The Boy Scouts are reeling from a set of tragedies recently. First, four adult scoutmasters were electrocuted at the Boy Scout Jamboree; then dozens of Scouts were overcome by stifling heat at the same event; now comes word that an adult troop leader and a teenage Scout were struck by lightning and killed in Calfornia.

All of these deaths and injuries are terrible, and the Ivory Madonna sends her sympathy to the families and friends of the unfortunate victims.

These tragedies have a deeper dimension, however. Electrocution, stifling heat, lightning strikes...these are the traditional symbols of divine displeasure. All that's missing is the stench of brimstone and the odd pillar of salt.

If the Ivory Madonna were a religious believer (she isn't, so she wouldn't be allowed to join the Boy Scouts even if she were a boy), she would argue that these tragedies are evidence of an angry God showing His displeasure at an organization that uses His name to discriminate against girls, gays, and atheists.

How odd that our self-proclaimed religious leaders have not made this point. They are quick enough to see the will and word of God in other tragedies -- for example, seeing the 9/11 attacks as evidence of God's displeasure with feminists, gays, and abortion. Why are they silent on the deeper meanings of these Boy Scout tragedies?

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Iraq Mess

Bush's speech last night was remarkable...for the kid-gloves reaction that it's getting from the oppoition and the domestic press.

The Democrats are falling all over themselves to approve of Bush's "tough determination"; the only thing they can fault is his constant repetition of the falsehood that there's a link between Iraq and 9/11. The domestic press, much the same.

Here's what nobody's saying:

1. The man who has led this entire two-year disaster, who got us into this mess in the first place and who has made it worse with every decision, got up in front of the country and said, "In order to get us out of this mess, we're going to keep doing exactly what we've been doing so far." He offered absolutely nothing new.

We don't know for sure what will work in Iraq...but we sure know what doesn't work. And Bush says we're going to do more of it. Our failed policies and practices will continue.

And no one called him on it!

2. Every moment the U.S. stays in Iraq, the situation gets worse. We are an occupying force, and the people of Iraq hate being occupied. (You might feel much the same if the U.S. Army moved into your house to "protect you.") The longer we're there, the more resentment we produce...not just in Iraq, but across the entire Arab world.

The Democrats and the domestic press agree with Bush, "Of course the U.S. can't withdraw from Iraq, we need to stay there for many, many years."

Pardon my Slobbovian, but that's a load of crap. The US has zero credibility on the world stage. Statements like this just reinforce the notion that we're there for the oil, and we're never going to leave.

The United States needs to turn Iraq over to a bona-fide international peacekeeping force as soon as possible -- preferably yesterday. Ideally, this international force would be largely Arab, almost entirely Muslim. Bush needs to go to the United Nations, hat in hand, and make abject apologies..."We know we made a mess of this, we know that you told us so, and we know that our presence there is only making things worse. I'm sorry that I called the U.N. 'irrelevant'; boy, have I learned that I was wrong. We want you to take over. Here's a hundred billion dollars to help. And by the way, I'm withdrawing Bolton's nomination effective immediately."

The United States cannot succeed in Iraq as long as we are in Iraq. A true international force is the only thing that can get us out of this mess.

3. Bush said -- and the Democrats & domestic press swallowed it whole -- that it will take years to train native Iraqi forces.

Let's see. The United States Army can take a high school dropout from one of our spectacularly failing public schools (to coin a phrase, a child who's been left behind), and in six weeks they can turn that child into a soldier (in fact, according to Bush's ultra-patriotic rhetoric, into the best soldier in the world). Yet that same Army will take years to turn an educated Iraqi into an inferior copy of the same soldier.

Huh?

Does no one notice the lapse in logic here?

Does no one notice how insulting this is to the Iraqi people?


One last thing. On NPR yesterday, they were asking people in the street what they would have liked to have heard from Bush. Nobody asked the Ivory Madonna, but she's going to answer anyway.

What the Ivory Madonna would have liked to hear Bush say: "I resign."

Just the Ivory Madonna's thoughts....

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Sowing the Wind . . .

You've heard the story by now: Interrogators at Guantanamo Bay "in an attempt to rattle suspects, flushed a Qur'an down a toilet..."

Flushed...a copy of the Koran...down a toilet.

No wonder the Muslim world hates us. The Ivory Madonna is not so crazy about us, right now. In fact, she is simultaneously livid, sick to her stomach, and deeply ashamed to be an American.

This act is offensive far, far beyond burning a flag or an effigy of a country's leader. This is a profound act of disrespect toward the most holy symbol of Islam. It spits in the eyes of the billion-plus Muslims across the globe.

It's hard to find any act that a Muslim could do that would be as offensive to Americans. Even if a Muslim would, for example, flush a copy of the Bible down the toilet -- and what Muslim could force himself to do that? -- it still wouldn't have the same level of offense.

When you look in the Hitchhiker's Guide under "How to earn the undying hatred of every Muslim in the world," you see a picture of someone flushing the Koran down a toilet.

Could the United States have performed any other single act that would be more of an offense? The Ivory Madonna and her friends have been wracking their brains, and they have come up with only one way to make it worse: the interrogators could have wiped themselves with the pages before flushing. And the horror is, (a) we don't know that they didn't, and (b) it doesn't matter...the symbolic effect is the same.

How would our ever-so-patriotic Republicans react if officials of another country -- Muslim or not? -- had flushed an American flag down the toilet? Damn right: they would now be demanding action. You can almost hear the echoes of "bomb them into the Stone Age."

Multiply that outrage by a factor of ten, and you will begin to understand how Muslims -- even moderate, secular Muslims -- feel about us. Right now, there are more than a billion people who want to bomb us into the Stone Age...or further.

One wishes to be charitable, to say that the interrogators did not fully appreciate what they were doing -- but it's hard to believe that. This can only have been an intentional act, a deliberate insult. It was beyond stupid...it was the mean-spirited act of unlettered, uncultured, uncouth barbarians.

Because of this act, America will have trouble. And we will deserve everything we get. We have deliberately invited the hatred of the entire Muslim world. In the name of national security and public safety, we have invited retribution that will make 9/11 look like a children's birthday party.

Next time around, when we reap the whirlwind, remember . . . we sowed the wind.


-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Separated at Birth?: Senate Republicans & Two-Year-Olds

Well, the Senate Republicans appear poised to change the Senate's rules to eliminate filibusters on judicial nominees.

Never mind that well over 95% of Bush's judicial nominees have been approved. Never mind that the filibuster is the only way for Democrats to effectively oppose nominees who are too extreme for their tastes. Never mind that the Republicans will certainly live to regret this change, when the shoe is on the other foot (as it inevitably is).

Never mind that there used to be a little thing in politics called "compromise" -- your side gives a little, our side gives a little, nobody gets everything they want, but everybody gets something.

Never mind that the country is split down the middle, that Republicans have a bare majority rather than an overwhelming mandate.

Never mind, even, that some of the "activist judges" against whom the Republicans rail the most, were nominated and approved by Republicans.

No, the only thing that counts is that the Republicans have not gotten everything they want. For them, "almost everything" is not enough. "Purt near everything" is not enough. "Everything except one little thing" is not enough. No, they must get everything they want, and they are willing to change (or break) any rules, laws, or principles that prevent them from getting everything.

We are left with one question.

Why don't they just threaten to hold their breath until they turn blue?

(Oh, that's right, in Red State/Blue State America, "blue" is anathema to Republicans.)

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Untrue Believers

The Christianists and Conservatives are in an uproar because Terry Schiavo's feeding tube has been removed after a long and arduous legal battle. Unhappy with the rule of law, these people want the tube reinserted, so that this empty, meaningless life can be preserved (at great emotional and financial expense to all concerned).

Why has this case stirred up such fanaticism among the Christianists and Conservatives, when poor people continue to die all over this country due to reduced government benefits? Because the Christianists have linked this case to the abortion issue, insisting that any spark of life with human DNA, no matter how insensate, is "sacred." They insist that God wants Terry Schiavo to live. Their faith tells them so.

Excuse me, but what sort of "faith" is this?

God is omnipotent (by definition).

If God wants Terry Schiavo to live, then she will live.

Period, end of sentence. Feeding tube or no. Hospitals or no. Courts, Congress, and Presidency or no. If God wants Terry Schiavo to live, she will live.

How presumptuous...I daresay, how blasphemous...to say, "God wants Terry Schiavo to live, but He doesn't have the power to keep her alive Himself -- He needs us to help Him by reinserting the feeding tube."

What sort of namby-pamby, powerless God is that?

This question generalizes to those other two favorite issues of the Christianists and Conservatives: abortion and capital punishment.

Make no mistake: If God wants a criminal to die, that criminal will die. God doesn't need any help from electric chairs, lethal injections, the courts, or the political process.

God was pretty pissed with Father Geoghan, who perverted his office by molesting all those innocent children. The State sent Geoghan to prison for life...but Geoghan died. Apparently, God wanted this one dead. Similarly, God must have wanted Jeffrey Dahmer dead...Dahmer died.

And abortion?

We're talking about God omnipotent. If God wants a fetus to live, that fetus will live. According to the faith that the Christianists profess to believe, no human doctor is more powerful than God.

True believers? Ha! The Christianists are untrue believers. They profess to know God's will, but they tell us that God is powerless to enforce His own will. They tell us that God needs their help. That they, the Believers, are in fact more powerful than God.

The Ivory Madonna knows one thing: According to anybody's version of the Ten Commandments, God hates murder -- but God hates blasphemy a whole lot more. And even a cursory reading of the Old Testament will tell you the kind of tortures that God has in store for individuals and peoples who choose to elevate themselves above Him. And if they are not punished in this world, one can only imagine the eternal torment that awaits them in the next.

If the Ivory Madonna were one of these Untrue Believers, she would be quaking in her (very fashionable) boots.

Kinda makes her glad that she doesn't buy into the whole God thing at all.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Decline Begins

Well, that's it for Western Civilization. Thanks to gay marriage, it's all over now.

At least, that's the message in this article from the Boston Globe. Columnist Jeff Jacoby just about wrenches his arm out of its socket patting himself on the back for his successful prediction of the incalculable damage that gay marriage would do to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

His points are unassailable. Here are some examples of the dire consequences that are now coming about because of the legalization of gay marriage:

1. "Massachusetts rolled out a new marriage license shorn of any reference to bride and groom. Couples getting married were now to be officially identified as 'Party A' and 'Party B.' The department of public health has proposed a similar rewrite of the state's birth certificate, replacing 'mother' and 'father' with 'Parent A' and 'Parent B.'"

HORRORS!! Language on official certificates is being changed to correspond with reality!

2. "Last month, lawmakers in Ontario enacted Bill 171, stripping the statute books of all references to gender in connection with marriage. No longer do Ontario's laws use words and phrases like 'husband,' 'wife,' 'widow,' 'widower,' or 'persons of the opposite sex.' And it is not just family and marriage laws that have been de-sexed. Bill 171 eliminates the traditional language of matrimony from more than 70 provincial statutes, including the Gasoline Tax Act and the Public Libraries Act."

Oh, Jeff, say it isn't so! You mean, same-sex couples in Ontario can no longer be referred to as "persons of the opposite sex"? Where will it end?

3. When Jada Pinkett Smith recently gave a speech at Harvard, she made comments that made members of Harvard's Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, and Supporters Alliance "feel uncomfortable." In retaliation, the group (are you ready for this?) "demanded -- and received -- an apology."

No, no, NO! A speaker actually apologized for some of her remarks?

That's it. Jeff Jacoby has opened our eyes to this festering danger in our midst. How could we have been so blind? The Christianists and conservatives were right all along!

Don't you see? If gay marriage continues to spread, language on other forms may be changed. Your very own state might stop using the terms "husband" and "wife" on marriage certificates!

And worst of all -- and the Ivory Madonna can barely type these horrible words, much less contemplate a world in which they become true -- other celebrities might (gasp) apologize for remarks.


Sheesh!

We were promised the end of Western Civilization. We were promised fire and brimstone, the wrath of God, eternal damnation. Special effects to make Cecil B. DeMille jealous.

Instead, after nearly a year of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, almost two years in Cananda, and nearly five years of Civil Unions in Vermont -- the worst they can offer is altered language on official documents?

What sort of milquetoast God do they believe in, whose infinite wrath can only conjure up administrative corrections to the language of official forms?

The moral of this story? Don't believe the Christianists and conservatives when they predict all sorts of dire consequences. They made the same predictions about interracial marriage, women's rights, and eating shellfish. They were wrong then, they are wrong now, and the wonder is that anyone still pays any attention at all to what they say.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

The Last Refuge of Bigotry

This article from WQAD in Iowa talks about the progress of a proposal to amend that state's constitution to ban gay marriage. As so often, this article contains a familiar sentence:

"Iowa already has a law banning gay marriage, but supporters say the constitutional amendment is needed in case the courts strike down the law."

A similar sentence is repeated over and over, in each state that has amended or is considering amending its constitution to prohibit gay marriage. We need to amend the constitution in case the courts strike down the current law.

Sometimes the Ivory Madonna feels as if she's the only one to see the real meaning behind this statement: "We know that our current anti-gay-marriage law is unfair and discriminatory, and that any impartial observer would see that at once. We know that the only 'reason' behind our current law is biogtry, pure and simple. We acknowledge that this law based on nothing more than our own irrational prejudices cannot withstand legal scrutiny.

"Therefore, there is only way to preserve our bigotry, to continue this unfair discrimination: to make bigotry and discrimination part of the state constitution, to elevate it to a level above impartiality."

In short, these bigots are turning to their state constitutions as the last refuge of bigotry. And they have a backup plan, the ultimate Last Refuge of the US Constitution.

Well, guess what? In the long run, state constitutions don't mean diddly. After Loving v. Virginia, plenty of state constitutions still had provisions against interracial marriage -- but they became moot, unenforceable. There are plenty of other examples of state constitutions being trumped by Federal law.

The bigots seem to think that changing constitutions will turn bigotry into acceptance, unfairness into fairness, and make all gay couples somehow cease to exist. Guess what? There are committed gay couples in Iowa now, and if Iowa amends its constitution tomorrow, there will still be committed gay couples in Iowa. It's unfair to discriminate against them now, and it will still be unfair to discriminate against them when the constitution is amended. That's true in every state in which the biogts seek this Last Refuge.

And in twenty years (hell, in ten), all those amendments will be as quaint, laughable, and uneforceable as those in states that still have constitutional prohibitions against interracial marriage, tethering horses outside the county courthouse, or blasphemy.

Let the bigots have the Last Refuge. I'll settle for having the Last Laugh.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Pay No Attention To the $82 Billion Behind the Curtain

$82 billion more for a war that we started on the pretext of nonexistent weapons of mass destruction.

$82 billion that is not included in the "official" budget, which already admits a record deficit.

The Ivory Madonna just looked in her dictionary under "throwing good money after bad." There she found a picture of this $82 billion supplementary budget request.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Fixing Social Security

The Ivory Madonna has been doing a lot of reading on Social Security. And she's come to some conclusions, all of which seem compellingly obvious.

(Fair disclosure here: The Ivory Madonna is 46 years old. Last year she earned a gross salaray of just a hair under $50,000.)

#1: There is no crisis in Social Security. Sure, the system is going to run into problems, and probably within the Ivory Madonna's lifetime -- but there is no crisis that demands immediate attention.

#2: The looming problems with Social Security (as opposed to Medicare) are minor, and can be adequately addressed by two very simple changes:

(a) Eliminate the ceiling on earnings subject to payroll tax. Currently, payroll tax is applied only to the first $90,000 of earnings. That limit should be abolished. (If not abolished altogether, it should certainly be raised substantially.)

(b) Phase in means-testing for retirement benefits. Retirees with high incomes need fewer benefits than those with low incomes. Benefits should shrink (and eventually disappear) as income rises.

Some argue that both these changes will provide "dis-incentives" for people to earn higher salaries, thus destroying the economy. Yeah, right. You can see the reasoning. A person making $90,000 a year ($83,133 after payroll taxes) is going to say, "No, I don't think I'll go for that position paying $100,000...because with payroll taxes, it's only an increase of $9,237 instead of $10,000."

The real argument against both these changes, coming from the rich, is "we don't wanna pay more or receive less."

The Ivory Madonna's mother had the answer to that argument:

Times are tough. Life isn't fair. Get over it.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Social Security

So the Bushies want to reform Social Security. T'other day the Ivory Madonna heard one of them on the radio, saying something like:

People should be allowed to make their own choices in investing their retirement funds, and then take responsibility for the choices they make. If they make good investment choices, then they'll be much better off; and if they make bad choices, that will be their responsibility.

Excuse me, but we've tried that before. It was called The Great Depression.

-M

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.

Resolved...

The Ivory Madonna's New Year's Resolution for 2005:

This year, I will stop saying nasty things about people who aren't around...unless the things I say are terribly, terribly clever.

Previous resolutions:

2002: I will become a slob.
2003: Having become a slob, I will aspire to become a lazy slob.
2004: Having succeeded spectacularly in becoming a lazy slob, I resolve to become a fat, lazy slob.

-M

PS: See other blogger's resolutions at http://www.technorati.com/2005resolutions.html

---

The Ivory Madonna's story is told in Dance for the Ivory Madonna by Don Sakers.